I sometimes hear from people who feel deep regret about a past affair. Often, with the passage of time, the depth of their mistake becomes more and more clear. This, coupled with the fact that they are now Amolatina.com Reviews facing the consequences of their actions, can make them feel the weight of their mistake.
I heard from a wife who said:
"I would give anything that I own if I could turn back time and make it so
that I never had an affair. I have ruined my life with one mistake. My husband
found out and left me. He won't take my calls. The kids are asking me every day
where their father is. I am now realizing how much I put at risk over just some
short term diversion. I am starting to worry that I have destroyed my marriage
and that I will never get my husband back. And I know how much my husband loves
our children and it wouldn't shock me if he were to fight me for custody.
Regardless, Amolatina I don't
want to be alone. And I don't want to be a single mom raising my children by
myself. I wish that there was something I could do to negate all of the damage
that I have done. Because right now, I just feel hopeless."
I felt compassion for this wife
even though in my own situation I was the faithful spouse. Her true sorrow was
obvious and it's very common to be overwhelmed by this outcome when there is
nothing that you can do to change it. Unfortunately, there is no way to
completely erase the affair. It happened and you can not take it back. So, you
now have to look to the present and the future instead of the past. I will
discuss some tips on how to do that below.
Your Sole Focus Should Be On Your
Life Moving Forward: I know that it is very easy to keep looking back with
regret, especially if you feel stuck right now. But it honestly doesn't do you
any good. It only keeps you from progressing. Since you can't change the affair
and it's memory isn't serving you in any way, it is time to turn your attention
to today and to right now. Admittedly, this wife was in a sort of holding
pattern as far as her marriage was concerned because she didn't know what her
husband was going to ultimately decide to do. But, there was plenty that she
could do to pick herself up while she was standing still. Just waiting on his
decision while being Amolatina.com consumed
with regret wasn't helping her cause. It was important to try to be as positive
as she could for the sake of her children and for the sake of herself.
Don't Allow Your Anger At Yourself
To Keep You From Doing What Is In Your Own Self Interest: It's not uncommon for
me to see people who are so angry at themselves for the affair that they are
willing to accept whatever punishment and negative things come their way. They
feel undeserving of anything positive and they do not feel worthy of
understanding or forgiveness so they are not proactive about improving their
situation. What I didn't want was for this wife to just stay at home surrounded
by her sorrow and her regret. Yes, she made a mistake with far reaching consequences.
But no good would come of her becoming so discouraged that she didn't try to
improve her circumstances.
Every day, try to do something that
is going to help you to rectify this situation. Vow to be the best parent, the
best person, and the best spouse that you can. If you need counseling or self
help in order to determine why you may have acted this way, then please get it.
Because until you deal with anything that might have contributed to this, then
you can't be one hundred percent sure that you will not be vulnerable to this
again. And in order to give your marriage the best chance, you are going to
need to be as healthy and as strong as you can possibly be. Be very proactive
in making yourself as emotionally healthy as you can.
The Best Way To Negate The Effects
Of The Affair Is To Rebuild And To Heal: Admittedly, you can't change reality.
There is no way to erase the affair from your own memory or the memory of your
husband. But, what you can do is to do everything in your power to ensure that
complete healing takes place. You can do everything that you can to rebuild a
healthy family. Because limping along and dwelling on your mistake weakens you
and make you less of an effective parent, person, and spouse. And you and your
family doesn't less of the whole of what you have to give.
I realize that sometimes you can't
control every aspect of the future. Sometimes, your spouse will have some
reservations about resuming your marriage. And you can't always control this.
But what you can do is to heal yourself as much as is possible, show your
spouse your sincerity in making this right again, and being kind and gentle to
yourself. Every one makes mistakes. Yes, this is a big one. But the biggest
mistake would be to allow for this to ruin your life. You have a lot of living
left to do. And the best thing that you can do is to grow and learn from this
and to make any necessary changes so that this doesn't happen again.
The remorse that this wife was
feeling indicated that she was a good person willing to own up to and learn
from her mistake. So no good was going to come out of her punishing herself any
further.
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