Affairs are probably the most sensitive topic in relationships. Some people are ready to talk about their sex life rather than admit having an affair. You may not be cheating or cheated on, Amolatina.com Reviews but what do you do when a friend comes confessing? As a friend, it is obvious that you have to be quiet about it, but beyond that, there is a certain attitude and series of thoughts that can make you a better helper.
Understand the situation fully:
Affairs happen for a reason, but not always a strong one. Your friend may be
having an affair because they are committed to a bad person which makes it easy
for them to justify their actions. Other times, it happens just because they
found someone else who is more compatible and/or interesting to them. Both
cases do not give your friend the right to cheat, but bear in mind that they
may not be aware Amolatina of this.
Talk to your friend to find out whether they know exactly how wrong they are or
they believe they are excused due to certain circumstances. This will help pave
the way for you to choose your words and get through to them easily.
Watch your tone: Do not let your
belief that your friend is a criminal show up as you talk. Whatever the reason
they chose to admit to you, you have to be considerate in your words and way of
talking. Pointing fingers at your friend will take you nowhere. You will not be
able to listen to the true facts and feelings or give advice as long as you are
being judgemental, even when you are right.
Consider the current relationship:
Ask several questions about your friend's partner; has he/she changed? Are you
two too busy to have a good time? Has the relationship become boring?. Amolatina.com Contrary
to popular belief, it is rarely a problem with a partner that drives a person
to cheating. We all have our problems and our fights, but normal couples fight
the fight and move on instead of seeking perfection. In case of an affair,
however, the cheating partner does not care whether the other person is doing
what they should or not. Even when fleeing a bad relationship, the magnetism
that develops between your friend and the other person is often too strong that
it blinds them from any improvement happening on part of their current partner.
Remind your friend to take a closer look at what they have and focus on the
positive side of their partner. Do not try to convince your friend to drop the
affair for their partner's sake, unless you have something strong to debate
about. Trying to drive your friend into doing "the right thing" will
only show that you do not understand how they feel.
Tell it like it is: Affairs do not
have to be sexual. Long recurrent unexplained phone calls are an affair.
Outings that nobody knows (or must ever know) about are an affair. Holding hands
for an extra minute while crossing the street is an affair. If your friend is
attracted to someone else, they will know when they are crossing the line and
everything they do not dare confess to their partner or to other people is
plain wrong. Sometimes, your friend may not be honest with themselves enough so
you cannot expect them to be honest with you. Nobody wants to be a cheater, so
denial and simplification are definitely part of the equation to them. Clarify
their actions to them and explain how far they have gone without noticing. Talk
as nicely as possible, but without ruining your point.
Confession is not your decision: If
you believe the only way to move on is for your friend to come clean with their
partner, keep it to yourself. It is not your place to decide that for them no
matter what your morals are. You can tell your friend about honesty and try to
talk them into confessing, but don't be too persistent. It will definitely
annoy them and may shake the trust they have for you. It may convey the idea
that if they don't tell their partner, you will, even if you have no intention
of that.
Imagine the "what ifs":
When people cheat, they do not even see half what the other person is really
like. They just enjoy the good side they see at the time and live in dreams of
perfection. As the time passes, the belief that this person is actually more
"perfect" than the one they are with now may start to build up. This
is only an illusion, so try to get your friend to see the real person as a
whole. Ask your friend to visualize their life with the other person. Tell them
to see the facts and imagine the person as he is, not just the side they want
to see. It will help if you take the disadvantages you see in the person and
anticipate the problems that could occur from them. Talk logically and wisely.
Do not let yourself appear as someone who just wants to sabotage the other
person. Base your ideas on traits really available in that person so your
argument can be believable.
Talk about termination: Many people
involve themselves in affairs with people whom they have no intention of being
committed to. They spend with them as much time as possible and have fun
knowing that all this is going away some day and that they will eventually
straighten up and get back to the person they are with. Tell your friend that
it will make them the stronger and better person if they initiate terminating
the affair. Also, things may be settled now, but if any crisis occurs with your
friend's partner, they will be swamped. Your friend will be crushed between
ending an affair and having to be there for a sick partner or death of an
in-law. Since those are just possibilities, try talking about facts relevant to
their life. If your friend is taking their relationship with the committed
person to the next level, having a new baby, moving to a new house, changing
jobs or going through any new major change, help them see what a mess their
life will be if something big is going on while they are emotionally distorted.
Resisting temptation is hard. Bear
in mind that your friend trusts you dramatically to spill such a secret to you.
Be there for them. Help them organize their life. Distract them while the hard
times pass. Do anything you two agree to be helpful to them as they get through
this rough experience, no matter what the outcome.
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