I often hear from wives who are hurt and worried about their husband's sudden confession. Often, their husband has sat them down and confessed that he has feelings for another woman. Sometimes, he will try to downplay these feelings and tell the wife that although Amolatina.com Reviews he does have some romantic feelings for someone else, he would never act on them. Other times, the husband is very specific and he tells that wife that he has fallen in love with someone else. Some husbands are purposefully vague on whether or not he is ever going to act on his feelings.
I heard from a wife who said:
"I've been suspecting that something is going on with my husband for
several weeks. He's been working late and he is cold and distant. But more than
that, he has been secretive. He doesn't seem to be open to me and he doesn't
seem to be OK with me being around him. I have been repeatedly asking him what
is wrong and he has denied that anything unusual was happening. But last night
he must have changed his mind because he sat me down and told me that he had
fallen in love with someone else. He said that he was telling me this because
he felt that I had the right to know. He said that he has known this woman from
work for many years but over the past several months, she transferred Amolatina to his
department and he has been working very closely with her. He said that at first
they were casual friends but now they are very close, almost like soul mates.
He said that their relationship is not inappropriate and has not turned
romantic. I asked him why he was telling me all of this and he told me that he
wasn't sure. He said he just wanted for me to be aware of this and that he
wasn't planning to cheat on me, but he felt this pull from two different
directions meaning he knows that he is committed to me by marriage but he also
can't deny his feelings for her. At this point, he's assuring her that he would
not cheat on me, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering if he is considering
divorcing or separating from me in order to be with her. Maybe he is telling me
to give me some sort of warning before hand. What do I do now?"
Needless to say, this wife was
wondering what strategy would make the husband less likely to engage with the
other woman and more likely to remain faithful and committed to his marriage.
But the real challenge here was that the wife truly couldn't figure out her
husband's Amolatina.com intention
in telling her this. She couldn't help but wonder if he was setting her up for
a divorce.
This May Be A Call To Action: Of
course, I can't possibly know what this husband was thinking. But I can tell
you that many men who cheat or have affairs do not warn their wife of the same.
They generally will not come and give you a heads up because the last thing
that they want is for you to find out about any part of this.
I'm not saying that there aren't
any husbands who confess that they love someone else and then later leave to be
with the other person. I'm sure this happens. But it's my experience that many
men who cheat don't tip you off to the existence of the other woman until they
are caught.
Again, I could be wrong, but to me
it seemed more likely that the husband was trying to warn the wife. He was
almost hoping that she would take some action and stop the course of actions
that seemed to already be in motion.
I Believe It's In Your Best
Interest To Take Some Action: So the first thing that I would do is pay close
attention. Men who are very intimately bonded with their wife are not generally
available to fall in love with other women. I'm not saying that affairs are
always planned and that they don't sneak up on people, but generally men who
are crazy about and committed to their wives will avoid these types of
situations. (And they may well have been what the husband was trying to do
right now, albeit a little late in the game.)
This wife was clear on the fact
that maintaining her marriage was the most important thing to her. Yes, she was
disappointed in her husband and she was jealous and hurt. But she wanted to put
that aside for now and place her focus on trying to save her marriage before
the relationship went any further.
So the next step might be to have a
conversation with her husband that went something like: "well, as hurtful
as that is I'm glad that you told me before anything happened. Right now, I
think we need to focus on our marriage and on safeguarding it so that nothing
happens that we are both going to regret. To that end, I am willing to do
whatever is necessary. We can talk about counseling or anything that you think
might help to strengthen our marriage. I also need for you to make a strong
commitment to remove any obstacle to you remaining faithful to me. Now that I
know this, I am very uncomfortable with you working with her. Will you ask for
a transfer so you are not working directly with her any longer? I know that you
say she is a good friend to you, but it's at the point where it would be too
easy to cross the line and I have real concerns. I am asking you to make our
marriage the priority. You have done that by being honest with me now I need
you to take that a step further and remove any temptations. Will you do
that?"
Then, just listen. The husband may
or may not agree to this. He may ask for more time. Try to work with him rather
than arguing with him and remember that he didn't have to tell you. The fact
that he did can be telling.
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